Well, it is the night before I began my 1 day & a half journey to England. (It's going to take a long time due to long layovers, etc.) Anyway, as I've been stressing to try to fit every last thing I forgot into my bags, I haven't had much time to realize what I am about to do: start on a year-long adventure to a new town, in a new country that I've never been to before. As I type this I'm starting to get nervous about going to a new school, having to start all over to make new friends, having to learn my way around a new city, etc, but I've been so busy packing and worrying about flights, and I don't even feel that I know what I am getting myself into. I mean really...part of me feels slightly crazy to force myself into new, uncomfortable situations by taking myself out of the comfort-zone I've turned SF into. However, I know I need a change, a new perspective (both on life and on myself) and something different to change up my mind-set - hopefully for the better. I need a new challenge, so I can get a new vantage point on my life, and hopefully what I want to do once I'm done with college, or even just gain new things to take into consideration with my life.
Anyway, I am kind of rambling. I still have packing to do, I need to shower, and I should have been in bed by now, which is why my mind and thoughts are not very coherent at the moment. But my last day of packing turned into a last day of goodbyes to good friends, so everything has been left until the last minute (including my sister finishing the last few button-holes on a new jacket she has been making me for the colder weather! - Pictures to come :) )
One thing I have been thinking about, besides my packing and flights, is the loss of naiveté I'm about to lose. I partly have no idea what I'm getting myself into because I've never been abroad before, I've never left the country, and once I get on that international plane, that will be changed for forever (not that that's a bad thing!) Anyway, it's weird. It reminds me of coming to SFSU my freshman year and moving into the dorms and not really knowing anyone, but instead of visiting the campus first, having my parents help to find the school, and starting a slow, but hectic process of moving my stuff into my room with my family's help - I'm heading off by myself. I'm honestly starting to get a bit nervous. But it's a good nervous feeling too. I haven't really been pushed into a new situation like this in awhile. Sure, I've been pushed academically, and challenged by frustrating people and roommates, and meeting someone new is almost always a new experience since one person can be so different from the next, but nothing this...big of a change. And as nervous and stressed and anxious as I am...I can't wait, because I know I need this experience, good or bad.
Well...goodbye States! See you in a few months! And hello England!